Everyone was tweeting and forwarding and IMing about threeframes.net yesterday. I spared a few moments to make a few.








But this one is my most very favorite:

        

Last week I told one of my designers to "Make it more turducken-y" ... as in the imagery should make it appear that the primary subject was being concentrically stuffed.

That is all.

        

I'm sitting in a poorly ventilated ballroom in the basement of The Golden Gateway Hotel (aka the Van Ness Holiday Inn). There's 50 people or so scattered around long white table cloth-covered tables. Conference flyers, mini-menus offering "grab 'n' go breakfasts" and green and white Holiday Inn pens are scattered on every table. The sides of the room are popular, since that's the only place you have a chance of sipping power.

There's a panel of 6 writers at the front of the room sitting at a table edged with a maroon ruffle, sharing 2 microphones and being interviewed by a woman standing off to the side at a podium.

I'm at Cybernet Expo, my first porn industry conference. There are a few less laptops, a few more high end cameras, and one of the panelists is a tranny, but otherwise it could be the IXDA con... but sponsored by extremerestraints.com, nicheshops.com, boyzshop.com, and jenna's love shop.

On the topic of how to pick a good writer, the first 4 panelists agree: You want someone who has a passion for the topic, or the reader will be able to tell. They should know the lingo, and be able to clearly engage the reader.

Thomas Roche disagrees about the need for the writer to be passionate about the specific topic of a project. (paraphrased): as a freelancer, you're probably not going to be into every single thing you have to work on. It's nearly impossible with the diversity of stuff wrt sexualities (and kink.com is mentioned specifically). Luckily that's a core part of any good writer's process: getting into the mind of the person who is excited about it. That's the mark of a professional writer.

Violet Blue echoes Thomas with the (again paraphrased) comment that "to write good sales copy on deadline you need someone who can disengage from the product, know the keywords that will sell, marry that with what the producer is trying to get across. You're bridging the gap between artist and writer." - she also said that when writing catalog copy for Good Vibrations, it wasn't just about technical accuracy of product, clarity of writing about specific sex acts. It was crucial to work in the storefront too, to get close to the end user and thus engage them better.

Sound familiar, designers?

Kink is hosting the end-of-conference party tonight at the castle,which will also mean its my first porn industry party. I'm looking forward to the live shows.

        

Via The Sword, Wolf Hudson's naked Michael Jackson dance

        

A twitter comment made by Bryce Glass inspired the name for this blog and tiwtter persona. He's one of the most innovative and funny designers I've ever had the pleasure of working with.

        

We just launched a new site named Everything Butt.

As I mentioned before, when we do a site, we don't just create the site - we also create dozens and dozens of standard IAB-ish sized ad units to give to our affiliates who drive traffic to us.

Sidebar: Actually, is there a PORN advertising bureau? I've poked around a bit but haven't seen anything specific. Porn companies play it srsly close to the vest. Why not have a list of standard ad units used in porn. When our sales guys talk to affiliates, they ask the same set of questions, and send us the same list of requirements:

• dimensions
• DL weight limits
• animated or not
• softcore or hardcore
• who its for (which usually dictates one or more of the above)
• which of our sites we're advertising in the banner

As porn designers, we should create a set of recognizable standards. IAB has an LREC and the WIDE SKY - perhaps we should have the same... like the Fat Animated Gay - FAG Unit for short: 300x250 hardcore M/M... or the TeenyTittyTwister Unit: 90x120, softcore, animated, M/G/G

Anyway... as part of the creative process, we generate a bunch of one liners for use with our banners. Here's a small sample of what we came up with for our new ass fetish site. Some did and some did NOT make it past the cut:

• Fill up your plate at the all you can eat ass buffet
• Pluck these anal cherries
• Our anal cherry pickers harvest the sweetest fruit
• life is short... stop and sniff the rosebuds
• An enema a day keeps the... (we couldn't close the deal on this one, since we also do some medical fetish stuff)
• Welcome to the RUMPus room (boo)
• Browse our anal bazaar
• Subscribe to the the anal annals
• Ride along with the pirates as they plunder the puckered booty
• Sail the seas of sleaze (um)
• Come in through our back door
• Get your back door key today
• Servants enter in the rear
• Tailgate party
• Tailgating is encouraged
• Tailgaters will receive a ticket for anal violations
• Business in the front, party in the back
• Pussy in the front, party in the rear
• Back door Betty bum blasted with big beads
• Extreme anal sports / Ass-olympics / analympics
• "Grab your ass, I'm going in..." (It was funny when we came up with it)
• Anal virgins get their puckers groomed at the Back Snatch Beauty Parlor by certified ass-theticians
• Where no pucker goes unprobed
• Open up Pandora's OTHER box (we LOVED this one, but thought it might be a wee bit intellectual)
• The kitchen sink is not off limits
• Reach into the anal grab bag
• "Ass... the final frontier" (1. not true, and 2. we love Majel Barret too much to give her a dirty sanchez of copyright copyright violation)
• "Fisting... where no hand has gone before" (see above)
• BEND OVER... I'LL DRIVE!

        

Today I was smoking a cigarette on the front steps. One of our models was pacing around and poking her phone in an irritated fashion. I asked her what was wrong. "I've called for a cab three times. It's 20 minutes late and I need to be at my doctor in about 5 minutes." Me: "I can take you. I'm not busy."

So we get in my car and drive downtown to her doctor's office. On the way she volunteers that she's getting the stitches taken out of her shiny new boobies.

Update: After she fully returned to work, I gotta say she definitely grew a nice pair.

        

I saw my first female ejaculation today. Make that two, from the same girl within about 90 seconds. This was at a live audience shoot for Ultimate Surrender. I'm glad I was in the second row. It was like Sea World, but with way more ass fucking.

        

Designer, creating a banner ad to promote one of our gay sites: "This guy's dick is too big to fit in the banner!"

This is, of course, an entirely legitimate design issue.

        

There's a bunch of small but high impact UI experiences that can be made better on our network of sites. Happily, they're built on a platform, so an improvement on a particular area of one site benefits the same area on all other sites. Magic.

One of the directors came to be to point out an area that was particularly irritating to him, and I agreed it was a problem that could be fixed relatively easily. I threw some quick ideas together and asked to present to him some other interested parties to take a look at the concepts I did.

The director was a few minutes late because he was just wrapping up a shoot. He finally arrived so I reached over to shake his hand. He wrapped his hand underneath his t-shirt and reached back, saying "Sorry, I just finished up and still have girl on me."

After our meeting I ran to the restroom to wash my hands. The soap in the dispensers smells like lime and has grit in it like Lava. I suspect this stuff works wonders on J-lube.